Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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