We're like a lot better than the average bears
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
