dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
