we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i believe in u and ur pee
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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