I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
