now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize