shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
