I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
