I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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