i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize