there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
