Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
