idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
