well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you win again, gameday.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
