You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
