I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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