cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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