1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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