I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
not ubering you a puppy
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
