Tell her she can't have a vagina
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
