As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
