made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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