Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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