i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
