How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize