Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
