It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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