First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize