you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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