Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
