I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
