WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize