pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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