She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
