your thong is hanging out like whoa
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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