never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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