theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
