..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
