So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
