he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
