I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
