the condom got lost in my hair
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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