what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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