drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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