Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
