She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize