"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you would pick up someone in the library
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
