i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
