He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
