My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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