May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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