Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
