I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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