Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
