my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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