i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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