Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
