the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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