ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
