Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He passed out mid-signature
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
