You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
