Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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