That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize