Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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