You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
