I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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