All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
