I think I died a long time ago.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
