I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
