So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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