Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
