i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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