just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
